Although this article appears in June, I am writing it in April as I near the halfway point of my presidency. It’s spring, a period of renewal and change. For me, this is a time to pause and to contemplate leadership as I prepare to move forward over the next 6 months.

When I was at the Federation of Medical Women of Canada’s 100th anniversary celebration before becoming President, I expressed some reservations about the pomp and ceremony of the President’s installation with a colleague, a decorated Canadian Armed Forces colonel. My colleague explained that the installation ceremony is symbolic of an important transition in leadership that would mark the moment when I would accept the responsibility to lead the organization with humility and respect. She explained that the ritual is not about me, but about the duties I would assume as spokesperson and servant for the College of Family Physicians of Canada (CFPC), and that accepting these duties is worthy of ceremony. As I listened, I felt my reservations fade. She seemed to be describing servant leadership, a style of leading that resonates deeply with me. The term, first articulated by Robert K. Greenleaf in his essay “The Servant as Leader,”1 describes a person who comes to leadership with a feeling that they want first and foremost to serve. Greenleaf explains that out of this desire for service a “conscious choice brings one to aspire to lead.”1 This notion carried me through the ceremony and continues to inspire me today.

This concept of serving the CFPC not as Carrie but as President and spokesperson was further cemented during media training. During my session, the facilitator tried to move me into a corner, baiting me to say things that I might later regret. I was repeatedly pushed to share my personal feelings about the crisis in family medicine. After increasing pressure, I told them what I really thought … and was immediately reminded that what I think, personally, matters not at all when I am speaking as President of the CFPC.

I found this lesson easy to learn and mostly easy to embody. I work with an incredible board and a brilliant, committed Chief Executive Officer who is supported by a stellar team. We don’t always agree on every point, but we work together toward consensus and I am proud of all we have accomplished. We approved a balanced budget, began to rebuild better relationships with our Chapters, partners, and members, and continue to stand up for family medicine at a time when governments and the public most need to hear from us. It has been easy to serve and speak for the CFPC.

But what happens when a leader does not agree? What if there is tension, conflict, or misunderstanding that cannot be overcome? That is where things get complicated. In such situations one always hopes that consensus is possible. But if it isn’t, and one believes wholeheartedly in servant leadership, what is the right action?

I found myself in this position during the first part of my presidency, and it was an extremely challenging space to occupy. I felt pulled in different directions. On one hand, I was proud of our hard work, our many hard-fought successes, and the overall direction of the CFPC. On the other hand, I was personally troubled by one specific issue, yet I was unable to speak. It felt like I had to decide between Carrie and President.

Lately, to me, our world seems to be increasingly divisive, with people struggling to hold complexity. Leaders find themselves facing issues that are deeply personal to them and to their members, yet many people have embraced either-or thinking to an extreme, making resolution that is inclusive nearly impossible. In my case, rather than decide between Carrie and President, I chose to be both, holding the tension and complexity with compassion. And although I only speak as President, as Carrie, I can try to heal conflict. I can remain open to criticism, try to build bridges, and seek to understand as much as I hope to be understood.